Tag Archives: samhein

The Veil of Secrets

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Upon the road to Samhein, I’m facing my fears. Working on my root chakra, Muladhara, the fears of the past haunt me less.

1655477_912692688801104_1676088900175960390_oI am no longer a child. Little Wendy met her fears in the safe place in the faery wood. They were part of her once, a constant reminder but now, they are abandoned. She leaves the wood a woman. Little Wendy is still there but she is more than that now. I have followed my dream, to live, write and teach in Wales. This bravery is new. This courage is inspiring.

As the Sacred Wheel turns, Samhein beckons, the time when the veil between the worlds is thin and the future, a step away. What secrets lie beyond the veil?

‘Wendy Woo’s Year – A Pocketful of Smiles – 101 ideas for a happy year and a happy you’, written in 2012, I suggest you take time to declare your intent….

“81: Declare your intent
As we draw towards the end of October, the summer is over and
before us, the long months of winter beckon. This is the time for new
ideas and new plans and, in my experience, choices.
Our ancestors used the coming months to preserve and conserve food
for the winter and organise themselves for the coming spring and we
too can follow this example by conserving the ‘seeds’ of ideas and
plans that proved their worth, burning those that didn’t and beginning
a new seed bank of our own.
A few years ago, two aspects of my life were taking off, writing and
dancing, but I didn’t know which to pursue. I sought advice from a
dear friend, a wise and wonderful lady. Her words have stayed with
me and I use them when making all my life choices.
I gave each of my plans an intent. To writing, I gave ‘to write a novel’
and to dancing ‘to share my love of dance.’ Both ideas developed but
at a different pace. Phoenix Bellydance was born and, in the five
years I taught Egyptian Bellydance, I introduced over 300 women
and girls to the dance. I wrote my first novel over three years while
waiting in the car to collect my children from school.
Write down your ideas for your future on coloured cards and place
them where you can see them (March). You could carry a small
version in your wallet or purse. Decide the intention of each idea and
add that to the card. If you plan to do something to make money, that
is your intent. If you want to help people, that is your intent. My
recent novel was published because my intent was to share the story
with as many people as possible.
Take your time. There’s no rush.
Enjoy this time of new ideas and choices and, by the end of the
winter, be ready to declare your intent.”

The secret beyond the veil is your intention for the coming year.

I work on my land, cutting back brambles and clearing away dead leaves and weeds. I work on my home, rebuilding, lime mortaring and white washing. The fear is gone. I allow my mind to realise my intent. On Samhein, I will release it to the universe.

 

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You can find all my books via my Amazon author pages:

http://www.amazon.com/Wendy-Steele/e/B007VZ1P06/ref

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wendy-Steele/e/B007VZ1P06/ref

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Finding myself

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Since welcoming the Goddess Brigid at Imbolc, looking forward to the new shoots of spring and new ideas and projects, I’ve struggled to hang onto me.

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Within the safe circle of our ritual, we shared our hopes and love, there to support each other through the coming months and from that evening onwards, I’ve dreamed every night. No big deal, you might say but I haven’t knowlingly dreamed since my mum died, over a year ago.

At first, they were comforting, almost supporting my days. Opportunities became known to me and I wanted to do them all. Having already made plans at Samhein, my diary expanded at a rapid rate so two weeks ago, I called a halt. I needed time to reflect, time to assess what I really wanted to do but every day, though I’d planned yoga and reiki, writing and meditation, demands of others shook my resolve.

And then, I dreamed the big dream. It was a nightmare, waking me three or four times in the night but when I shut my eyes, I returned to it, vivid and real until I hauled myself, weeping from the duvet to stop the pain.

I walked arm in arm with my dad, pointing out the daffodils opening their yellow trumpets to the sun. I held is hand, felt the soft, crepey skin and he told me he loved me. I carried my mum, first on my back and then in my arms, through landscapes, up stairs and along corridors, all the while knowing she was no longer alive, part of me basking in the feeling of her heart beating against me and the other half knowing this couldn’t be true. As she rested on her bed, I held her hand and she squeezed mine back, her last act before she died.

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I was wobbly the following day, tearful, emotional and confused but then I began to understand…to know myself, to find the person I really am, I needed to go back to my roots…I began with mum and dad. I remembered their hopes for me, the skills and life lessons they had taught me and knew my time had come to truly grieve.

It’s been a tearful week but out of my sadness has come strength I was not aware I had. On Wednesday, I was bombarded with phone calls and emails, ‘do this now’ requests from all sides and I did them, keeping the work on the byre moving, ordering skylights, transferring money, making calls. On Thursday, I caught up with my work and on Friday, I planned a writing day….not a ‘do stuff for everyone else and then if there’s time, do some writing’ day. I said ‘no’ to two people with no apology, only that I would meet their requests the following day….you should have seen their faces! Two short stories emerged from seven hours of writing….one is a cracker that needs a little work while the other may well be rewritten in the first person but I don’t care. I’m happy that I valued my own work as equal to others.

The invitations I’ve received have been considered. Some I will attend because I want to, others I won’t because they are not what is best for me…so many times in the past I have said ‘yes’ because of others feelings but my feelings are important too. I’m deciding as me, for me and it feels wonderful.

These decisions do not come from ego but from a sense of myself within this amazing world. Understanding my place in it, defines me as a person and as the sun shines this week, I shall visit the riverbank and say ‘thank you’ for being alive, for my mum and dad, friends and family and for the opportunity to dance, heal, write and love.

 

One year on….missing you

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Approaching the end of the pagan year, it’s time to look back at both achievements and disappointments. Where have I been? Who came with me? Could I have handled that better? What did I learn? How have I grown from these experiences?

In November 2014 I launched a new book, the first of a new series, The Standing Stone books.

Standing Stone Home For Christmas Cover drop shadowMy eldest son came to visit at the Midwinter Solstice. DSC_1200

I danced my feet off with my fabulous ladies of Tribal Unity Wales…we even danced for the eclipse! 17005_1637467316511758_8560746038090504212_n11705339_1637467806511709_6336127877735496573_n11875606_10153165243553867_114847764_o11012386_10153650985507802_1147847422645631772_nOur little house finally has a roof!11150930_1600818576843299_7145038719453612890_n

I worked hard clearing to the end of Bramble Avenue, along our riverbank DSC_000811947900_1654664588125364_5441217376693406600_o(1)Tribal Unity came from Essex to visit and we danced on our outdoor stage

On the beach with my home girls

On the beach with my home girls

I introduced juicing into my diet and changed the balance of vegetables on my plate DSC_1436and published another book!DSC_1413

But my strongest feeling about this year is missing those I love. I’ve missed my children, a constant pain in my heart that though appeased a little by phone calls is only alleviated once I hold them in my arms. I’ve missed my friends, women who have loved and supported me through the best and worst of times. But most of all, I’ve missed my mum and dad. While mum was alive, my promise to dad to look after her kept him alive for me but now they are both gone, I grieve for them both. All year I’ve carried the pain of their loss, silently held within me, only let out in great gulping sobs and screams when I’m alone or the odd persistent tear I cannot restrain.

As the wheel of the year turns, moving us on towards winter, I must let go. My ritual on the riverbank tomorrow night will help me move forward, helping me leave the negative behind while I spend the winter months with my thoughts, working through emotions and emerging anew in the spring.

Samhein blessings xx