Tag Archives: fear

Awakened Bellydance™ – 7 months on

Standard

At the end of April this year, I embarked on a personal journey with eleven other women in Bulgaria, guided and supported by Katie Holland, dancing and learning to facilitate Awakened Bellydance™. I wrote this a few days after returning home…

‘We breathed, we feared but we trusted and within the safe, protected space of our room, we danced, allowing the music to shake up our bodies and free our minds. We let go and the layers began to peel away.

Every day, we learned, shared, discussed and laughed and then we danced again, fear, judgement, disempowerment and pain, relinquished from our bodies and minds, into the earth to be transmuted to the love we craved.

Together, we healed, allowing our minds to be free to think, to create and to manifest and to step closer to our bodies, to feel the emotions and energy rising through us.

Deeper we delved into the closed off parts of ourselves, removing all obstacles and reinstating the power of the goddess, the women we truly are.

We reached up, beyond ourselves, out into the universe, to the stars from whence we came.’

Awakened Bellydance™ changed my life… I was no longer afraid. Without fear, I chose music for Tribal Unity Wales to dance to, confident that I had chosen well and in every lesson I taught, I allowed my heart to guide me.

I published my second Witchlit novel ‘The Orphan Witch’, knowing it was the perfect magical sequel to The Naked Witch’ as Lizzie Martin, my main character, followed her heart. The third novel, ‘The Flowerpot Witch’, flowed from my pen.

I grew a few vegetables in a bath tub and a tractor tyre and cooked plant based food, gathering new recipes and sharing time cooking with my partner.

I sang in the car…and in a hot tub in Essex in front of other people!

And so much more! Everything I did was different…I was different. I shone with a sense of ‘me’ I’d never felt before. There was no ego, just a deep connection to myself, who and where I was and an understanding of where I fitted into the universe.

Life hasn’t been easy. I’ve had a lot to deal with but trusting from the heart, I could cope with anything.

One morning, a few weeks ago, I awoked to depression, anxiety and fear. I wanted to cry. I wanted to stay in bed and hide from the world forever. Why had the fear returned? How had the depression manifested when I was so much more in tune with my mind and body? What had I done to bring this on? What had I done wrong?

But I refused to revert back to the old stories. The past is gone, no longer my story to tell so, I chose to see this time as a different kind of chaos and Awakened Bellydance ™ had equipped me with tools I could use to live in it. If I cared one iota about myself, now was the time to use them. I grounded and protected myself every day, sometimes outside in my wellies and dressing gown in the frosty morning air, sometimes indoors. I danced every day to my favourite song at the moment, ‘Wild Things’ by Alessia Cara and allowed myself to laugh or cry, however the music moved me. I continued to write, sometimes choosing to research or write a short story rather than my novel. I taught my dance classes from the heart, allowing myself to be swept up in the music but always focussed on creating the best lesson possible for my ladies.

I facilitated Awakened Bellydance™ solar plexus chakra, guiding and supporting women to clear away the old stories where they lacked confidence and self esteem and where they sought impossible perfection. We opened our hearts to new opportunities, stories we could create of focus, achievement, perseverence and resilience. We stoked the fires, burned away the obstacles and rose like the phoenix from the ashes.

I’ve focussed on strengthening the connections to the things I care about. On my riverbank, beneath the magnificent full moon, I blessed my physical sacred tools and sang to the goddess of the moon with my singing bowl.

 

I’ve lived with depression since my teenage years and learned to cope in many ways but Awakened Bellydance™ provides the dancer with the ability to reconnect with herself and the universe. It’s not about coping but living in confidence and love. Not only are the old stories confronted but they’re dealt with and binned and new stories are created, ready to manifest and be the story of the life you want to live.

For more information about Awakened Bellydance™ and its creator, Katie Holland, visit https://www.awakenedbellydance.com/awakened-bellydance

Lift the veil and live your life as the person you really are.

 

 

Advertisements

The road to Samhein

Standard

The Sacred Wheel turns. The leaves turn to russet, drifting to the ground and swirling in eddies like golden dancers. As the end of the pagan year approaches, it’s time to look back, time to mourn, time to celebrate and time to remember. At this time of year, opportunities abound and while I try to decipher the emotions and challenges that battle in my mind, one rises to the surface. Fear.

dsc_0060Where does fear come from? I’ve battled it for years, surprising myself at what I can achieve when I can overcome it but now is the time to go deeper. My fears come from voices of the past…’You’re a fairy elephant! You can’t dance!’…’Ok, you passed nine but you failed one!’…’Where did that notion come from? You’re too stupid to have thought that up yourself!’… ‘If you can’t stand up and speak in a room of future teachers, how do you expect to be a teacher yourself?’…As I type, my throat closes up.

This week, as well as teaching my ladies and editing my first WitchLit novel, I’m healing myself. I’m going back to my roots, deep within the Root Chakra, Muladhara is where I came from and where these voices lurk and where I shall confront my past. I’m sick of fighting, whenever a challenge is put before me.

Healing is magic, bringing together the physical and the unseen, the body and the mind in balance with the Universe.

I want to be the ‘me’ I know I am, without these voices haunting me. This is not the ‘me’ of ego but of self. Time to start believing.

 

Facing the fear

Standard

I remember the day ‘Destiny of Angels’ was finished. Written, edited and the button pushed to publish, I shook like a leaf in a hurricane. I already had published work ‘out there’, dance articles and interviews in magazines, but this was my first published novel, a work of fiction and I was asking the public to read it. Then the paperback arrived.

575517_2923802914446_700076725_n The joy of holding my first book in my hand was wonderful and I bathed in a glow of contentment for days, until the fear began again as I attempted to market my book online. As my ‘baby’ was downloaded, I read the reviews with trepidation until I realised that readers were enjoying my story. I was inspired. ‘Wendy Woo’s Year – A Pocketful of Smiles’  soon followed and I published two volumes of short stories. With the addition of ‘Too Hot for Angels’, my first venture into erotica, I believed I was showing the world the kind of writer I was, adaptable, prolific and fearless, so I launched my big birthday celebration by giving away my books and waited for the 1800+ readers to respond….and nobody did.

Disappointed, disenchanted and defeated, my writing pad and pen sat idle for a while until the story of ‘Wrath of Angels’ refused to be suppressed and I wrote the second book in the Lilith Trilogy. Time for marketing my books became minimal as we sold our house and moved to Wales. Through those years, the fear of failure hung over me.  How could I call myself a writer when nobody read and reviewed my books? Inspired by my new surroundings, a new story began to form so I made a few notes, faced my fear and edited and published ‘Wrath of Angels’.  I returned to social media and was shocked but delighted to find good friends who remembered me and my books and helped me restart my writing career.

Wales to 21st June 2014 013

On Saturday, I faced my biggest fear of all. I stood behind my table, in a large hall surrounded by talented creative craft folk,  and when anyone approached, I stood up and said ‘Hello, I’m Wendy Steele and these are my books.’ Why is that so scary? Because I have a real fear of meeting new people. I remember the first night of my City and Guilds evening class on teaching adults, having to stand up, introduce myself and tell everyone why I was there and how the teacher had berated me ‘If you can’t stand up in front of us, how are you ever going to teach anyone?’

I believe life is about facing your fears, challenging your preconceptions, allowing  you to explore paths you may otherwise miss. I’ve been teaching dance for almost seven years now and I have a ‘trick’ that helps me…during the warm up, I find it difficult to make eye contact, even while I’m speaking but I promise myself that when the music finishes, I will have my ‘teacher head’ on and all will be well. Sometimes I get my words muddled at the beginning of a lesson but I’ve learned to laugh at myself and my ladies laugh with me.

At the festival on Saturday, I spoke to lots of people and I enjoyed it. Talking about my passions makes me happy and listening to other people and their hopes, likes and ideas is inspiring. I took a tin of my homemade gluten/dairy free chocolate cake, cut into tiny squares to give away and that proved an interesting talking point. I sold a few paperbacks and gave out my promo postcards (handmade with recycled paper, card and glue!), promoted ATS® dance, next week’s World Wide Flash Mob and the Lampeter World of Dance Festival the following week but, best of all, I spoke to a number of people who want to write. I started a list with contact details so I hope to run a ‘Getting Writing’ workshop before Christmas.

Facing the fear makes for a challenging but exciting life. My first book written in Wales,  ‘The Standing Stone – Home for Christmas’ will be published at the beginning of November and I’m not afraid, just excited.

Wales to 4th Oct 2014 026

You can find all my books on my Amazon author pages http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wendy-Steele/e/B007VZ1P06/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1365459567&sr=1-2-ent
http://www.amazon.com/Wendy-Steele/e/B007VZ1P06/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

The Witch is back! You can buy Wrath of Angels for just 99p/99c until 10th October.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wrath-Angels-Lilith-Trilogy-Book-ebook/dp/B00KTH2E4Y

http://www.amazon.com/Wrath-Angels-Lilith-Trilogy-Book-ebook/dp/B00KTH2E4Y/ref=sr_1_7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1402305692&sr=1-7&keywords=wrath+of+angel