Tag Archives: anxiety

Feb1

The Wheel Turns – approaching Imbolc

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It was a busy run up to the Winter Solstice. I shared a table with the fabulous Nicola Beechsquirrel at the Lunar Market in Llanfair Clydogau, and at the Carmarthen Book Fair.

If you look closely, I’ve a little extra something on my table that I was testing out with the public…watch this space! Something new is coming!

We had a fabulous Yule with our children, and the work we’d done in the lounge helped to make it look clean and sparkly, welcoming in the light.

But the weather was grey and dank. We managed to get to the beach for a walk though.

And then the children went home. We walked on Borth beach on Christmas Day and were back to work on Boxing Day. It was the time to get ideas and new plans underway….and then the call went out for help for the animals in Australia.

Alongside my new crafting and writing ideas, I’ve been knitting joey pouches, and collected knitted and sewn items from ladies of Tribal Unity Wales, a student at the Uni and a lady from her slimming club, and took them to Llanelli to be taken to the main hub in Swansea for sending.

Wool was given, donated, shared around. Cotton pillow slips, t shirts and sheets were recycled. It’s been a privilege to be part of a group of crafters, coming together to help a common cause. The UK hubs are doing a stock take this week, sending out boxes and liaising with the contacts in Australia to make sure the right help went to the right places, and will let us know if we need to knit on. Many people have contacted local wildlife sanctuaries, to see if they need similar items to help their animals, so the crafting continues to help animals in need.

I’ve enjoyed having a project on the go to help others. Though I welcome the light on 21st December, January is a dark month. It’s been wet and windy on my hillside. We’ve snatched moments at the beach, which has helped.

I’ve an exciting new project which I’m planning to launch on 20th March, and that is keeping me busy, and helping to keep me positively focussed.

Wednesday dawned bright, cold and dry, and out on the grass by the driveway, was a purple flame of hope.

Imbolc is almost here. I take my courage and strength from the natural world around me.

It is time for the maiden goddess to appear, full of sacred understanding from her time within the sleeping earth of winter.

Nature heralds her return – the springs and swelling streams are her attributes – the life giving water of soul and survival.

On the first of February, I will cast my three wishes…Catkins are appearing on the willow – it is time to make the most important wishes of the year – walk out to a willow, tie a bow or a love knot into a willow frond. Celebrate all joys and a rainbow good feeling – tie the 7 coloured ribbons of the spectrum into the pale green branches of the tree. As they flutter in the wind, they bring blessings to all you think about. Only 3 precise wishes during the year so, choose carefully.

Imbolc is the Festival of Lights. Circle of tea lights for higher inspiration from the goddess. Lunar sabbat – mysteries of the unknown. In this circle, meditate, sing, chant, ask questions of your inner soul that are troubling you. Answers will come after a night’s sleep.

Love rituals are prevalent at this time of year, for new love or to meet someone new. Imbolc maiden is innocent, but stirring. Shrine to love: lock of hair, ribbons and ornaments and a single vase holding a crocus or snowdrop – blessings under your roof. Plant one white flower for peace and prosperity from the maiden.

We honour the triple goddess Brigid – teacher, magical instructor. We honour her in her maiden aspect, though she is pregnant with the young seed of the Sun.
Activities include making corn dollies or just use one dried ear of corn and tie with a white ribbon, improvise.

Useful Correspondences

Herbs: heather, dried sage, lemon, honey, garlic, coriander seeds, rose hips, witch hazel, sunflower seeds, dried sunflower petals, vervain, violets, wheat, grains, myrrh, dragon’s blood, benzoin.

Stones: clear quartz, citrine, yellow tourmaline, green tourmaline, rose quartz, iron, hematite, ruby, garnet, red zircon.

 

Welcome Imbolc into your life. Know that all is dormant beneath the soil, ready to burst forth, fresh and new in the Spring.

 

 

Jan31

Life Lessons

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Whatever plans we make, life has a habit of turning them on their heads. Sometimes we can adapt the original plan, while other times, we have to step back and start again. Personally, that’s why I have a problem with goal setting. Not meeting a goal feels like a failure, even though a change of direction might be the best thing to do.

Last year, on the 12th June, our plans were turned on their heads when our daughter asked if she could come and live in Wales with us. We spent every available moment and every penny we had to turn a barn into a bedroom.

It wasn’t part of our ‘plan’ for a couple of years, but having our girl with us, and giving her the opportunity to take her time deciding which way her future lies, has been a blessing.

My partner and I began to forge a new plan, thinking of building a growing room for our veg as we’re now vegan, and we got a concrete base laid.

But then water started coming up through our lounge floor We were forced to dig channels to persuade the water away from the house, begin a reroofing project, and lime mortar and white wash the whole of the back of the house. We worked on a wall inside too, ready for Yule.

Once Yule was over, my partner and I were back at work on Boxing Day. We had new plans…and then last week, we hit our biggest financial crisis since we arrived in Wales. We’ve had a rethink, spent three incredibly stressful days working out what we’re going to do, and now we’re back working again towards getting ourselves straight by this time next year.

The secret to long life and happiness isn’t about the hand life deals you, but the way you react to it. In the past, my depression and anxiety would have knocked my mind and body for weeks after a major crisis. This time, I listened to my body and was kind, allowing myself a chance to rest before I moved on. It was hard, but I kept up good, nutritional eating as well, knowing the vitamins and nutrients would help me feel better.

Whatever plans you have for 2020, never be afraid to be flexible. If something isn’t working, don’t keep bashing away. Give yourself time, talk to those you trust. Not meeting a goal doesn’t make you a failure, but rather a strong person of courage, who can take on a set back, deal with whatever it brings, and move forward in a positive way.

Follow me for more life blogs, plant based recipes, life begins at fifty posts, and my new, exciting project starting 20th March 2020. Bright blessings xx

 

Nov16

10 months on – The daily fight

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Ten months on from stopping smoking, I don’t feel any fitter or healthier. My body has been through hell, ridding the nicotine and I never want to have to go through it again. Keeping cheerful has been difficult. We get to the coast as much as we can. This is me with my feet in the North Sea two weeks ago.

 

At the beginning, the constant gnawing and craving preoccupied me, but as my hormones began to party without the nicotine hanging on for a ride, my weight gain has become my focus.

That’s me in the purple and black in October 2017, and here’s me in March 2018

If one more slim, yogatastic, enlightened 30 something tells me to embrace this new part of being a woman and be excited about my crone phase, I’ll punch them in the face…not really, but you can hear my frustration. I didn’t ask for this. I thought stopping smoking would make me feel better…I’ve never felt so depressed and anxious.

Smoking held back some, but not all my menopausal symptoms. Everything has been heightened since stopping putting nicotine into my body, so my IBS has been chronic too. I feel like my body is returning to factory reset, shaking everything up along the way, but rather than settling, everything feels off kilter.

I had to stop running, my knees couldn’t cope, partly because I’m running on the road and there isn’t a single flat section anywhere near me, and probably because I already have knee damage and I’m heavier than I should be.

I am not alone. Thousands of women are waking up one morning to find their once taut bodies have softened. I haven’t been this fleshy since I was pregnant and the irony of that is like a stab to the heart…you’re no longer capable of conceiving a child, but your body looks like you’re carrying one. Wicked.

It isn’t all bad news… I’ve stuck to my walking every morning as soon as I get up, and my new morning best is 5.2k steps. I always do at least 2k, and often do 4k. Having said that, I do walk some lunchtimes too, but now the evenings are dark, I’m not walking in the evening. I’m guessing I put on two stone at the beginning of the year with eating a bit more and the change in hormones and have now lost one of those, but I still can’t get my clothes on. In fact, last week I bought bigger jeans. Gutting.

I am a fighter. Every morning when I walk, Dr Dain’s affirmation rings in my ears ‘All of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory’. Life is amazing. I have a wonderful partner. My friends and family are dear to me. I live in an amazing house in a fabulous part of the world, with a roof over my head. I’ve started doing a little yoga after my walk, just a few balances and stretches…the plan is to build up to more, making sure my thighs don’t get too bulky with all the extra walking. Loki likes to be carried around on my walks…He is a fidget though

There is other good news. I’ve gone back on my original HRT. I now sleep through most nights. I sweat less during those nights. The day time sweats are occasional.

But every day is a battle, making my steps count and attempting to balance my body. As you may know, my diet is already plant based and I cook most meals from scratch, so how I lose this lump orbiting my middle, I’m not sure. Food and I have battled for most of my life and I’m gutted I’m being forced to re-evaluate again, when I thought I was doing the right thing becoming plant based.

Women need to stand up and say, ‘This isn’t just hormones! Have you any idea how life changing their fluctuation can be?’

I’m re-inventing myself. I may have had to buy bigger jeans but I also bought the cutest pinafore dress, and I’ve booked in for a new tattoo. Support the women around you while they deal with this life changing transformation. No more jokes about menopausal women being grumpy!

 

Dec20

Awakened Bellydance™ – 7 months on

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At the end of April this year, I embarked on a personal journey with eleven other women in Bulgaria, guided and supported by Katie Holland, dancing and learning to facilitate Awakened Bellydance™. I wrote this a few days after returning home…

‘We breathed, we feared but we trusted and within the safe, protected space of our room, we danced, allowing the music to shake up our bodies and free our minds. We let go and the layers began to peel away.

Every day, we learned, shared, discussed and laughed and then we danced again, fear, judgement, disempowerment and pain, relinquished from our bodies and minds, into the earth to be transmuted to the love we craved.

Together, we healed, allowing our minds to be free to think, to create and to manifest and to step closer to our bodies, to feel the emotions and energy rising through us.

Deeper we delved into the closed off parts of ourselves, removing all obstacles and reinstating the power of the goddess, the women we truly are.

We reached up, beyond ourselves, out into the universe, to the stars from whence we came.’

Awakened Bellydance™ changed my life… I was no longer afraid. Without fear, I chose music for Tribal Unity Wales to dance to, confident that I had chosen well and in every lesson I taught, I allowed my heart to guide me.

I published my second Witchlit novel ‘The Orphan Witch’, knowing it was the perfect magical sequel to The Naked Witch’ as Lizzie Martin, my main character, followed her heart. The third novel, ‘The Flowerpot Witch’, flowed from my pen.

I grew a few vegetables in a bath tub and a tractor tyre and cooked plant based food, gathering new recipes and sharing time cooking with my partner.

I sang in the car…and in a hot tub in Essex in front of other people!

And so much more! Everything I did was different…I was different. I shone with a sense of ‘me’ I’d never felt before. There was no ego, just a deep connection to myself, who and where I was and an understanding of where I fitted into the universe.

Life hasn’t been easy. I’ve had a lot to deal with but trusting from the heart, I could cope with anything.

One morning, a few weeks ago, I awoked to depression, anxiety and fear. I wanted to cry. I wanted to stay in bed and hide from the world forever. Why had the fear returned? How had the depression manifested when I was so much more in tune with my mind and body? What had I done to bring this on? What had I done wrong?

But I refused to revert back to the old stories. The past is gone, no longer my story to tell so, I chose to see this time as a different kind of chaos and Awakened Bellydance ™ had equipped me with tools I could use to live in it. If I cared one iota about myself, now was the time to use them. I grounded and protected myself every day, sometimes outside in my wellies and dressing gown in the frosty morning air, sometimes indoors. I danced every day to my favourite song at the moment, ‘Wild Things’ by Alessia Cara and allowed myself to laugh or cry, however the music moved me. I continued to write, sometimes choosing to research or write a short story rather than my novel. I taught my dance classes from the heart, allowing myself to be swept up in the music but always focussed on creating the best lesson possible for my ladies.

I facilitated Awakened Bellydance™ solar plexus chakra, guiding and supporting women to clear away the old stories where they lacked confidence and self esteem and where they sought impossible perfection. We opened our hearts to new opportunities, stories we could create of focus, achievement, perseverence and resilience. We stoked the fires, burned away the obstacles and rose like the phoenix from the ashes.

I’ve focussed on strengthening the connections to the things I care about. On my riverbank, beneath the magnificent full moon, I blessed my physical sacred tools and sang to the goddess of the moon with my singing bowl.

 

I’ve lived with depression since my teenage years and learned to cope in many ways but Awakened Bellydance™ provides the dancer with the ability to reconnect with herself and the universe. It’s not about coping but living in confidence and love. Not only are the old stories confronted but they’re dealt with and binned and new stories are created, ready to manifest and be the story of the life you want to live.

For more information about Awakened Bellydance™ and its creator, Katie Holland, visit https://www.awakenedbellydance.com/awakened-bellydance

Lift the veil and live your life as the person you really are.