Phoenix without her Fire

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On January 21st 2018, I stopped smoking nicotine. I didn’t use patches or gum or vaping. I believed Allan Carr, that stopping smoking was easy, read the book, made a commitment and more than six weeks on, I’m able to look back and see how Phoenix coped without her fire. I want to say at this point, my partner stopped smoking at the same time but, if you want to know how it was for him, you’ll have to ask him.

So I put out my fire because the addictive poison was dulling my passion for life, my drive, my confidence and my belief in myself and the Universe. The good news is, I’m coming back, flames bursting through the kindling, ready to ignite the logs. The bad news is, it wasn’t and still isn’t, easy.

Without nicotine pumping through my veins, I was possessed not of body but mind. That’s where the nicotine monster was, shacked up all cosy, chain smoking and blowing it right in my face. He tried a plethora of tricks to thwart me but he didn’t succeed for one reason and one reason only…I made a promise to myself that I would no longer smoke nicotine. I’m hot on promises, they work for me.

Reading the book was useful. It confirmed the things I knew and wanted, banged home a few home truths I needed to hear and gave me the framework to give up; smoke while you read this book, follow the instructions, be certain, smoke your last cigarette and make your vow.  But once I stopped smoking, the book and the words in it no longer helped, in fact, they hindered. The ‘stop moping around and get on with your life’ way of thinking didn’t help me at all.

The support of family and friends played a huge part in me keeping my promise. Looking after two new members of our family helped too.

I danced lots and swore, screamed and cried.

After about three weeks, I calmed down. The first sparks were igniting. Freezing, icy, stormy weather focussed my mind on drinking water, wood for our burners and the safety of neighbours and away from smoking. Working hard to finish writing The Flowerpot Witch has been another point of focus. I’ve cooked and baked abundantly, cut back a lot of brambles and chopped a lot of logs

Every day, instead of poison, pure light fills my veins. I’m alive and intend to stay that way for a long time. This Phoenix is back on fire.

 

 

 

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6 responses »

  1. Congratulations, Wendy! No one who hasn’t been through the ‘cold turkey’ method knows what it’s like. It’s the best way though. I did it – decades ago – & never looked back. Be very proud of yourself. Dance & fly, lady! xXx

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